Kink, non-traditional sexuality, BDSM, call it what you want, why is it still taboo and why is it still so hard coming to terms with being a kinkster? In my never-ending journey of exploring my sexuality, I have found myself feeling unfulfilled in many of my encounters with people, sometimes wondering if it was something I did or something they were not able to vocalize before getting down to it.
From a very young age, I found myself aligned with practices that may shock people who are vanilla, I have never been the ‘romantic’ or ‘lovey-dovey’ type of woman when it comes to sex, sure, a little bit of romanticism is cool from time to time but to be frankly honest, nowadays, I find myself bored with the idea of vanilla, traditional sexual acts, I wasn’t the type of woman, that, as sex-positive as I am, would follow the path of fulfilling my fantasies because I left them as that: fantasies, a figment of my own imagination, perhaps, let’s just say I spent too much of my 20s and my early 30s trying to cater to other people’s desires and fantasies instead of pursuing mine and that’s a major fuck up.
I was also raised Catholic, growing up in the church meant having narrow-minded views on sexuality, let alone, living in the closet for the entirety of my teenage years until I came out as bisexual when I turned 18, let’s just say my journey with sex has been a pretty crazy one, stacked with trauma that left me having a conflicting relationship with my body, but that’s tea for another day.
Coming to terms with the fact that I am indeed a kinkster is still hard, especially when I spent most of my sexually active life trying to fit in among the vanilla folks when in fact I’m into degradation and praise, maybe sprinkle a little bit of bondage and a bit of submission, I’m still coming to terms with who I really am sexually and it lowkey feels like a second ‘coming out of the closet’ (Goddamn, I hate that phrase).
Maybe I should write more about those fantasies roaming in my mind…
馃崚 